September 29, 2015
As The Feminine Gift grows and changes, we will be welcoming new writers to our little community.  The following is a post written by Ksenia. 

As I walked up to the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) booth, I asked the man sitting there for a September Adult Metropass. He looked at me, and said, “Adult, are you sure?” I nodded, paid and thanked him for the indigo coloured piece of plastic that seemed astronomically expensive.

And here I am, on the bus, stuck in crush hour traffic, staring at this little piece of plastic which defines who I am.

I have a confession to make. Although I graduated in May, this is the first month I have bought an Adult Metropass.  It wasn’t about the money; I just didn’t want to give up on being a student just yet. I know that I don’t look like a student with my corporate outfits: heels, pencil skirts, hair up in a chignon, but I’ve been pretending nonetheless. When I wear jeans and a t-shirt I loved flashing my Student Metropass – people thought I was student again!

Looking back on the last four years of studying, I barely recognize the angsty 18 year old my mom dropped off at orientation. I’ve learned about abstract concepts, as well as the concrete taking-out-the-garbage-and-doing-the-dishes kind of concepts; basically, I’ve learned how to be an adult.  I’ve graduated, found a great job, go out with friends, and live the grown up life I dreamed of as a child. But, I still find it difficult to shed my student identity. The bus pass incident last night really made me realize how much I enjoy identifying as a student. I thought the most daunting task after graduation would be finding a job that I somewhat enjoy, when really, having that and more, and I’m still holding onto my title as student. I know that I’m not alone. I have spent 22 years going back to school every September, whether dreading or anticipating it, September meant back to school.

Suddenly, I find myself scrolling through Facebook seeing college memes and buzzfeed lists and realize that I am not part of that world anymore – I’m a career woman. Bleh, I do not like the sound of that. Friends are getting engaged, married, having babies, and I’m working on my career. Don’t get me wrong, I have scored an amazing job; I sue big bad insurance companies and go on marketing calls to law firms with just a B.A. in Philosophy!

I don’t feel ready for the married life either, but it feels like no matter how awesome my career is, I still have a feeling of waiting for life to really start with marriage, children, homeschooling, women’s league, and church groups.

I read this and think: I want to be my mom. In many ways I want to be even half the woman my mother is, but I also realize that maybe my mom wasn’t always in the stage of life she is right now – in fact, with the youngest of my siblings heading into his teens, my mom is transitioning as well.  Life is always changing, but we are all looking for our home, our nest to call our own. Maybe we’ll never feel really grown up, or at home, maybe we will for a time. I think ultimately, we’re looking for our eternal home where there will be the steadiness we crave without the boring monotony of being in one place for too long.

As Augustine said (ish) we will be restless until we rest in Him. Being a student was somewhat fulfilling, my career is great too, but also falls short. Marriage I can’t speak for, but it too I doubt will fulfill all the longings of my heart. We must ever strive to live in the moment, to appreciate our changing state and roll with the punches.

To live is to change, but to change for the better is how we should live.


Ksenia is a young woman who can be described in a word as passionate. She has a zest for life and milks each moment for all it's worth. She works in Toronto at a litigation support accounting firm suing insurance companies and marketing at law firms. Being a career woman in the big city and staying feminine can be challenging, but it's an adventure. Life is a serious undertaking, but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun and laughter along the way.

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What is a woman? What does it mean to be feminine? There is softness and hardness, compassion and ferocity. There is contentment and adventure, freedom and service. We're conundrums, especially to ourselves, but we all, in some way, possess beauty, creativity, intuition and love. We were made for love, and we are loved, cellulite and all. Here we aim to show every woman the richness and beauty of her own femininity and explore current issues relating to women in our world. We also wish to share our own experiences - exploring the joys and challenges of stay-at-home moms and single professionals and everyone in between. Welcome! So glad you're here!


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