July 23, 2015
As The Feminine Gift grows and changes, we will be welcoming new writers to our little community.  The following is a post written by Alexa. 

Dear Married Women,

Your single friends don’t want to hear comments like “I don’t know what I would have I done if I did not get married young?” Or “You must be so sad on Saturday nights, I mean you have to go on dates and they will probably be horrible?” I don’t think it takes a big imagination to see how these comments are hurtful.

Being single is not always easy I grant you, it comes with it’s own set of trials, but I did not ask for pity so please don’t pity me.  It sounds as if you have no compassion and no imagination, never mind the vulgarity of saying something so rude. I don’t go around saying “It must be so awful to change poop all day” or “It’s sad you can’t do whatever you want whenever you want.”

I respect your decision to marry young.  I respect your sacrifice not to go to college, to forgo travel and the freedom and fun of your early twenties. I respect your love and faithfulness to your husband. I admire the decisions you have made, the sacrifices you have made and the life you have built. So please respect my daily struggles to remain chaste, my daily sacrifice to sleep alone, my daily sacrifice to hold out for a man of integrity who wants me to be his wife and helpmate, and not settle for a boy who wants to get me into bed.

Respect my decision to pursue an education and career, to be independent, live on my own, cook, clean, maintain my car, and take care of myself. Because I am not just surviving, I am thriving.

Please respect my desire to become a better woman of God, to love all the people I encounter in the present moment, to put Christ first in my life and bow to His will. Because I am happy doing the Father’s will.

Do not sadden me by pointing out what I lack, but number my blessings - like the four fabulous years of an amazing Liberal Arts education, the ambition to make a career for myself and the trips and adventures I have taken and those I plan to take in the future.

Ask me about my nieces and nephews, ask me about my hobbies of which I have many. Ask me if I am thinking of volunteering, of going on a mission trip? Stop asking me about the lack of romance in my life, and stop pointing out how there are no good men left. That is an insult to all the many good men in this world and to me. 

I don’t know why I am still single, but I trust God, and so should you.

In turn I will comment on  the beauty of your vocation of being a wife and mother, because it truly is an awesome calling. I will ask you how your day is going, I will listen to all the trials of poop on the walls and three year olds "tantruming" on the floor. (The struggle is real my friend and you have serious skills.)  I will put in my two cents about the benefits of cloth diapers and whether that liquid on the floor looks like pee or water....I am pretty sure it’s water FYI.

Yes somedays I feel like the only steamy relationship I will ever have is with my morning coffee, but I rely on you, as a friend, to slap me on the back and say, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it done unto me according to thy will.” And I promise when you're faced with a screaming toddler, or no sleep from your newborn baby I will be there in kind.

Please stop asking me if I have met so and so,  the "socially awkward man with no sense of humour”, or the "horribly disfigured guy who plays an organ in the bottom of an opera house", and then add, "I think they might be perfect for you.” If you want to set me up with someone fine, but make sure he is running the same race as I am (…as in, make sure he is serious about his Catholic faith and is always going to put God first.)  Also, if you're going to set me up with someone, make sure we have things in common.  He may be a great guy but if he thinks Classic Movies are a waste of time, he may be an fool...I mean not right for me. I have stayed single not because I am picky or desperate, but merely because I want a man whom I can love with all my heart, and whom I can help get to heaven, and who will, in turn, love me with his whole heart and help me along that same path. 

Please find some single men to invite to your BBQ and dinner parties instead of having the token five single "virgins" in the corner. You don’t have to try and set us up with anyone, it would just be nice to talk to a man who is actually available, instead of the five husbands who all talk about their jobs, wives, kids and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  Your husbands are awesome-sauce, but it would be nice to mix it up a little bit.  I'd like to hear a great single-man cooking story. (I was looking at an apartment and the guy showing it to me told me he thinks the stove works....... he had not used it in the past six months.) In turn I could tell them how I could not pop the hood of my car one day. (Seriously the struggle is real.)

To the dear married women who already treat me like this, thank you. Thank you for talking about your troubles with me, but also asking about my troubles too. Thank you for being such an amazing example of true love, what marriage can be, and what motherhood should always be.  Thank you for showing me your dreams and hobbies (because hobbies don’t stop when you get married, they are just shared with the one you love.)  You inspire me and make me want to be a better woman and I can never thank you enough.

To you, dear married women, who want to pity me the next time you see me, or who want to set me up with that kind of not-so-great guy, or who try to point out what I don’t have, please think twice and ask me something else, like what book I am reading. Because really we are all pursuing the same vocation, to “Know, Love and Serve God with all our hearts.” We single ladies are just like you married ladies (okay we may be weirder, but midnight dance parties in your apartment do things to a woman.)

Your Single Sister in Christ.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for writing. I am married and my best friend is not. We both try to focus on the simple, yet profound Biblical Psalm: "The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." We both don't why we ended up where we are, but we both agree that possessing the Lord is what counts. Who has it better/worse doesn't really enter into our relationship, although we do share our different ups and downs: bad dates, fights with teenage children, career accomplishments, no career accomplishments...And, there's plenty in common to share: prayer life, paint color, fashion, mortifications, great homilies...God loves us both and has prepared a different journey for each so that one day we can end up in the same spot. Glad you wrote! You are thriving!



What is a woman? What does it mean to be feminine? There is softness and hardness, compassion and ferocity. There is contentment and adventure, freedom and service. We're conundrums, especially to ourselves, but we all, in some way, possess beauty, creativity, intuition and love. We were made for love, and we are loved, cellulite and all. Here we aim to show every woman the richness and beauty of her own femininity and explore current issues relating to women in our world. We also wish to share our own experiences - exploring the joys and challenges of stay-at-home moms and single professionals and everyone in between. Welcome! So glad you're here!


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