November 14, 2013

Enough with sexy.

From time to time I get sick and tired. Fed up. At the end of my rope. Vexed beyond measure. You know what? I've had it up to here with 'sexy'. The gloves are off and I'm having it out with sexy.

My objections are several, ranging from aesthetic to moral. So let's start with light matters and ease into it.

First of all, sexy is lazy. Have you noticed how everything is sexy these days? Paint is sexy, as is food, or cars, or shoes. Falling back on sexy as a one-size-fits-all adjective is a disservice to a rich and varied vocabulary. Think of the words that aren't being used because sexy gets picked for the team every time: attractive, appealing, gorgeous, beautiful, seductive, desirable, alluring, entrancing, stylish... well, the list could go on for pages, because sexy is used to mean nearly anything and everything positive.

Which leads to my second point: it's inaccurate. One of my pet peeves is sloppy language, particularly language in print. I'm not haranguing against someone using 'effect' when they meant 'affect' in conversation with a friend. I do object to Kwik-Kopy (cutesy spelling seldom works in your favour – and that goes for children's names, too.) and 'should of' instead of 'should have' by someone who doesn't realize what it is they're really saying. I object to sloppiness and inaccuracy in anything that gets printed.

Paint. Pretty, not sexy
My problem with sexy? It means ready for sex; sexually exciting; sexually suggestive. Surely to Pete we don't mean to imply such qualities when we talk about sexy cell phones, or sexy restaurant design, or sexy wall colour!

While I accept that English is a living language and therefore our words morph in spelling and meaning through popular usage, I do protest the hijacking of the language of Shakespeare and L.M. Montgomery – a process that is flattening the nuance, dulling the beauty, neutralizing the meaning by superficially applying inaccurate meaning to words. Stop it!

So far this has been the rant of a grammar geek, which I admit may be a little sad, but this goes deeper than a mild obsession with the parts of speech.

To realize the power and importance of words, you need only read the Gettysburg Address: “this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom”; listen to the Psalms: ”You created my innermost being, You knit me in my mother's womb, I am fearfully, wonderfully made”; or contemplate the difference between 'abortion' (bald statement of fact)and 'pro choice' (whitewashed balderdash).

Falling back on sexy as the adjective of choice means we don't have to remember the other words. Fine. It's getting stale, but fine. What are we really saying when we say everything is sexy? For one thing, I think it indicates an unhealthy focus on sex. (People want to keep God and government out of the bedroom? Then why do they insist on dragging the bedroom into everything?) My identity as a person compasses much more than just my sexuality and I'd appreciate it if the minute details of my life also reflected something broader than sex. I'd rather not be asked to think about the sexual connotations of a car or sunglasses, thank you.

While not every use of 'sexy' is meant to imply sexual appeal, the word does focus our sense of value on sexuality. Young girls aren't interested in being virtuous or modest (both qualities that used to be highly praised in women) but rather want to be sexy. Sexy has higher cache than pretty or beautiful these days, so how do you suppose those young girls want to be perceived? And not just young girls, either. Look at the women around you. Are they aiming for beautiful, or sliding into sexy?
The Lovely and fashionable
Kate - fully dressed, thank
you very much.

We're inundated with messages that sexy is a desirable quality, a superior condition, and because we hear it all the time, we've become inured to how objectionable and full of lies it really is.

I'm sorry, Justin Timberlake, but I'm kicking sexy to the curb.

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Princess Grace: elegant, beautiful


  1. i am with you 100 per cent on all of this. Great post!

  2. I will add that grammar is part of semantics which is tied into psychology. And, because psychology and spirituality cannot be separated, it is not a stretch to say that grammar has the potential to reflect an erroneous spirituality- that of the world. A.k.a.- what you just said. Amen, sister! Ain't nobody got time fo' 'dat!

  3. Nancy, I'm going to make placards, and we can take this to the streets!

    Excellent point, Emily - grammar is foundational.
    Somehow we have to get the word out that there is another, better, more satisfying, life-giving option. Don't settle at sexy, strive for more!

  4. Terrific post! I am so over "sexy." I also have another pet peeve. Sexy has a twin: hot. I am so sick of hearing how "hot" everything is. I don't want to hear hot unless we are talking temperature. Every time Marie Osmond tells me how "hot" her husband thinks she is on those Nutri System commercials, I want to throw a hot fudge sundae at her! Thanks for a great read!

  5. Thank you, Patricia.
    Hear, hear! Once we get rid of sexy, we'll take on hot and bring it down, too. No more of this unimaginative hyper-sexualisation of everything.
    And when you throw that hot fudge sundae at Marie, don't forget the nuts!

    1. Hey, I thought your sundae throwing was pretty fabulous.

  6. Oh, I can't agree more. The word sexy has always made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. This discussion reminds me of the new teaching technique at my childrens' school: in an effort to get the students to use more varied language they have introduced the concept of salsa words. Essentially, these salsa words are adjectives and they are posted on the salsa wall! After all, children couldn't possibly understand what an adjective is. No, images of hot Mexican sauces are the key to the new grammar.

    1. Sigh.
      Education through condiments.
      I sure hope sexy isn't one of those salsa words!

  7. Great post! I have heard some strange things called "sexy" - knitting, food, and kitchen decor. It's as though people can't comprehend the idea that something can be good but have nothing at all to do with sexuality.


    1. Hi Susan,
      imagine that... sexy is not relevant to knitting or kitchen d├ęcor! Wouldn't you like to collect a quarter each time you hear the word being used? We could clear the deficit in no time flat!

    2. I have argued and challenged the use of the word like forever.. I detest it. I challenged my carpenter when discussing repairs on the barn as 'sexy'.. I stared him down with a glare and bluntly demanded, sex has nothing to do with it, just do a danged good job and show me great results.. he had gone home that night and told his wife, she told him I was right. Simply put, too much talk of sex takes the mystery out of it..



What is a woman? What does it mean to be feminine? There is softness and hardness, compassion and ferocity. There is contentment and adventure, freedom and service. We're conundrums, especially to ourselves, but we all, in some way, possess beauty, creativity, intuition and love. We were made for love, and we are loved, cellulite and all. Here we aim to show every woman the richness and beauty of her own femininity and explore current issues relating to women in our world. We also wish to share our own experiences - exploring the joys and challenges of stay-at-home moms and single professionals and everyone in between. Welcome! So glad you're here!


Follow by Email


Popular Posts

Powered by Blogger.