Preparing for death.
It’s a fact of life: we’re going to die. God willing, we will be
granted many long and happy years, and meet our end peacefully, surrounded by
loved ones, ready to enter the presence of our Lord.
 |
| Arwen, grieving Aragorn |
Death makes us uncomfortable. We try to escape its inevitability
through denial or vitamins. We believe we can transcend fate, as written in
some of our great poetry “Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death
shall have no dominion” ~ Dylan Thomas.
Thomas was absolutely right – love ultimately conquers all, and our
physical, earthly death is a new birth into eternal life. And yet, death is an
unavoidable reality we have to face. This isn’t a topic I was excited to write
about. We’ve just concluded our Christmas feasting; we’ve entered a new year of
hope and promise, a Year of Faith. And yet, I feel very strongly the need to
encourage you to prepare yourselves well for death.
Do all you can now in order to have a holy death. Pray, receive the
sacraments, make your peace each day with God, beg the intercession of St.
Joseph asking him to be with you in your moment of dying.
Do all you can now in order to have a peaceful death, whether you
expect it or not. Don’t leave
forgiveness and reconciliation for tomorrow. Don’t leave the important things
unsaid.
Do all you can now in order to have a quiet death. Don’t leave chaos
and confusion behind you. Set your affairs in order now. Make provision for your
children, settle your property, clean house. Make sure the pertinent people
know where the paperwork is. Make your wishes known if you have strong feelings
about your funeral and burial. If possible, make arrangements now for a burial
plot. Ensure your finances are sorted in such a way that there will be no undue
hardship for those who may need access to accounts, passwords, contracts.
This isn’t a morbid insistence we all live in fear of an imminent death.
A week before Christmas, the daughter of a friend died from cancer more quickly
than anyone thought. Her husband and two young children had to make difficult
decisions in the midst of their shock and grief. Not long ago, my friend’s mom
died, again, unexpectedly. It’s taken my friend two years to sort through
everything her mother left behind, all the collections, papers, files, all the “just
in case” stuff her mom couldn’t bring herself to get rid of. Instead, my friend
had two years of physical labour and emotional turmoil, the constant decisions
about whether to keep or where to dispose of the things that were inextricably
linked to her mother’s memory.
This is not about guilt trips. I want to share my own experience. My
dad died four years ago, on December 28. Two years prior to that, we discovered
he had a condition that would ultimately end his life. It wasn’t until that
September that we were told point-blank the bald fact: he was going to die, and
fairly soon. At the time, it was the
cruelest news anyone could have given us. It turns out to have been the
greatest blessing because we were able to do all those things I encouraged you
to do above.
 |
| Detail from the Pieta |
There is no need to be afraid of dying. We know our God is a loving, merciful Father. He has provisioned us with all we need to avail ourselves of His mercy, His grace. He has also blessed us with practicality and wisdom. Let’s make use of all His gifts to make sure that we and those we love, are prepared for a holy death.
Have mercy on me, O God.
Such a sobering reminder that this is our fate, every one of us, and perfect timing as we begin the new year. I heard a protestant pastor talk about death once and he said we, as humans, have to 'kiss death on the mouth'...meaning, we must make our peace with it or else we live our lives in fear.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story of your dad's last days. Thank you so much for sharing.
That's so true - we have to make our peace with death. There is no freedom whatsoever in fear. Freedom comes through acceptance. I am mortal. I am meant for something else. This life is a gift, but it is not permanent. Death does not end 'me', but still I cann not escape it.
ReplyDeleteI suppose when there is no faith, when there is no knowledge of God, death is a frightening thing.
Thank you, Sarah