January 11, 2011

As the year comes to a close, I ponder what I have learned this year; or rather, where I have grown this year.
I had never realized how anti-male -- or perhaps I should say pro-ultimate-power-woman, “I can do anything a man can do and better” -- I was, until another woman made it clear to me. I was confused as to who I was as a woman, but I was convinced of who I needed to be as a woman. Who did I need to be as a woman? Isn’t it obvious to all of us what the world has put on the foremost of our minds? Have a career, be as good as a man; NO, do better than men because really we are stronger and we can beat them at their own game! Look around you, turn on the TV, and you’ll see the RONA do it yourself woman, the specific woman’s courses on how to excel at being a boss or CEO, the woman who can fix her own car and change her oil (I’ll need to have a separate blog on this one alone!).
Now, at year’s end, I realize that I have a lot to learn, and I think as a whole, women in society are starting to realize that something is seriously wrong.
This past summer during a regular monthly dinner with a close girlfriend, we acknowledged that we had to be a little bit more giving with our men. It was the tip of the iceberg, but we both saw that when we let our boyfriends take control of the more typically manly things, they were happier. And when they were happier, we were happier and suddenly our relationships were happier and easier.
It didn’t really click though, until one day when I was reading a book written by Catherine Doherty, the Foundress of a small community of Catholic Lay People and Priests called Madonna House. This was a book written to help guide the community of Madonna House, but I found that her admonitions and advice were equally useful in my everyday life.
I picked it up, and it was as if the words were written specifically for me:
“A woman is feminine. She never boasts about being “like a man”.
Ok, wow. This, for some ridiculous reason, is news to me. Really?? I thought the whole point was to do this and be better than them. Keep reading:
“All she will get for such boasting is that men will feel let down.”
Ohhhhhhh. Internal expletive and groan.
“They will not know how to react to her. In the depths of their being, they will feel unhappy and disturbed as though something beautiful has been desecrated.”
Read that again. Desecrated. That’s a mighty and serious word. If I have done this, this is a very serious crime against men. More internal groans, and mental smashing of head on brick wall. Suddenly, I see the truth. Suddenly, I realize what an idiot I’ve been. I’m the one who has made my relationship so miserable. I myself have single handled desecrated my man step by step, word by word, and I have stolen his manhood away from him! He has been left feeling empty, robbed, useless. Groan.
We have to fix this! We, women, have to realize our huge huge HUGE mistakes and we have to correct them. It’s now up to us to fix our men who have been left so empty, so desecrated.
Well, Catherine had some simple starters that I’ll leave you with today:
“The men are the protectors of the woman…..”
TRUE! Isn’t this what every girl dreams about? We have to let them be that.
“If the (women) are carrying heavy things, and a man passes, he should help to carry it”
We must accept this when a man offers.
“The man should open the door for a woman and generally behave as a man in the presence of real womanhood. In this they help restore their own masculinity. Women, on the other hand, must remember the nature of womanhood and must accept these things graciously not saying “I don’t need all these…”.
So when you find yourself struggling to carry your heavy luggage, or to open that hard to open jar from the fridge, yes, I know that you can carry it with difficulty, and that you can get it open, after struggling and silently cursing to yourself for 5 minutes, but do everyone a favour and go and ask the man nearby to do it for you. It will save you a struggle, and you will feel contented to have their help when you realize that what you did by giving this small menial task over to them will help to restore their own masculinity, which they so desperately need us to restore.

Submitted by guest writer, Jaclyn


  1. Lovely, Jaclyn! I now have two New Years resolutions. 1: eat more chocolate. 2: stop "desecrating" my femininity and encourage and call out my the masculine in all six of my men! YIKES, I had no idea what I was doing with demanding that they all see me just as strong as them, etc. Thanks so much for sharing!!

  2. This is an excellent article about truth. The truth of what a man and woman are to each other. I don't think women realize the power they have over men. They've never really had to fight for it or even try to dominate men, for they've always retained it.

    I will admit something that most men won't admit, nor do I think they even recognize this 'something'. We, men, have very fragile egos. I don't mean the ego of self-centeredness or selfishness where everything is me! me! me! No, when I speak of ego, I speak of what a man is to himself, his nature, his instinct, his very being in regards to his relationship to women.

    A woman, with one word, one glance, can belittle a man where he finds himself less than a man. The woman who learns this has much power, but also, much compassion and the ability to do good if she so desires.

    As this article states, men do think themselves as protectors. Don't ask me why...I really don't know. It's not because of strength really, though I imagine this has a part to play in it, but it's more than that, deeper than that. I've felt the same with women that were obviously bigger and stronger than I was, yet the feel of protection was still there. I suppose it may be the same as explaining to men why so many women have a need, or think they have a need for so many shoes!! There all kinds of reasons given, but never one that satisfies a man. We just do not think like that.

    Jaclyn is entirely correct when she talks about taking a man's masculinity away when a woman says she's like a man, or even better than a man.
    I've overheard that so many times in my life and I have to think, why would they want to be like that? If I wanted a woman that was like a man, acted like a man, or thinks herself better than a man then I would have married a man. It is in being a feminine woman that makes her attractive. Being what she was created to be without putting on these false airs of what she isn't.

    Of course, I am not speaking of men that are course, disrespectful or just plain immature, but men that have a civility and a very real sense of what it is that they are and their roles in relationships with women. These men, gentlemen if you would, do have a need to be bolstered by a woman. Not simply as coddling, but of being needed as a man, not just a companion.

    When a woman asks a man to do something for her, even if it's just opening a jar of pickles, most men are overjoyed, though you would never see it. It is an acknowledgement of their masculinity, strength, the need to show her that, see? You need me!

    I open doors for men and women, but the feeling is different when done for a woman. With a man, its a feeling of brotherhood, or just being civil towards another, but with a woman, the feeling is more, it's another occasion of opening a jar of pickles. And it is met with a great feeling of contentment.

    Yes, a woman can build up a man or destroy him, his masculinity. It is no small thing I assure you. We were not created as all men...or all women. We were created as men and women, with our own differences and needs. Some women may wonder where all the gentlemen have gone to today, and all I can say is this; We are here, we are laying low until we are no longer competed against by women for our role. Great article Jaclyn.



What is a woman? What does it mean to be feminine? There is softness and hardness, compassion and ferocity. There is contentment and adventure, freedom and service. We're conundrums, especially to ourselves, but we all, in some way, possess beauty, creativity, intuition and love. We were made for love, and we are loved, cellulite and all. Here we aim to show every woman the richness and beauty of her own femininity and explore current issues relating to women in our world. We also wish to share our own experiences - exploring the joys and challenges of stay-at-home moms and single professionals and everyone in between. Welcome! So glad you're here!


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